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Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club ©

"I am the heart and soul of honesty" - Michael Jones

Have you searched for sympathy, but found only sorrow? Have you sought salvation, and found only emptiness? Have you craved cargo, only to arrive home to an empty mailbox? Do you hate being in the back of the line?

I can help, I am Michael Jones (yes, the Michael Jones French Toast © guy!) and I can grant you a place at the head of the line when the cargo arrives. I have some of the answers to many of the questions you may or may not have asked yourself at one point or another. I am willing to share them with you, if you are willing to share with me...

... when you become a member of the Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club © you will know many joys. The first joy will be the joy of cargo. Cargo delivered directly to your door via a common group who has orginized to help Michael Jones transport his cargo to and fro in little trucks. Praise these cargo carriers and their faith and devotion. The second joy will be of internal lightness and enjoyment occasionally, you will shower praise upon Michael, just like George Washington Santiago Jones, Mrs. of New Jersy when he said...

  (15:51:45) G.W.S. Jones, Mrs.: I LIKE MICHAEL JONES CARGO CULT CLUB (c)
                                 HE IS THE MAN
  (15:52:05) G.W.S. Jones, Mrs.: HE IS LIKE THE SUN SHINING ON THE WARM GROUND

and Michael Jones did speak...

  (16:00:23) mjccc: i like the way you think there
  (16:00:36) mjccc: you will be encouraged to make more slogans please

to which George Washington Santiago Jones, Mrs. did do reply...

  (16:00:56) G.W.S. Jones, Mrs.: THANK YOU IT IS A PLEASURE TO PRAISE YOU

and then Michael spoke againist unto him...

  (16:00:57) mjccc: there will be a place at the head of the line when the 
                       cargo arrives my son

and George Washington Santiago Jones, Mrs. was pleased and made it knowest of his pleasure...

  (16:01:35) G.W.S. Jones, Mrs.: I SAT ON MY BAMBOO TOWER SINGING THE SONG
                                 OF MICHAEL JONES AND MY FORESKIN GREW BACK
				 TWICE AS LARGE
  (16:02:44) G.W.S. Jones, Mrs.: WITH MICHAEL JONES THE WORLD IS GREEN AND
                                 GOOD AND EVERYONE HAS MICROFARAD CAPACITORS
				 AND GUM

and for a mere $23.46 donation you too can have a white tagless tee that Michael Jones has written and /or scribbled a picture on with a black sharpie... all that is asked of you after that will be for you to erect a bamboo faux-radio tower and to praise Michael Jones and Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club © whenever possible... oh, and you must legally (or not, whatever... we're easy) hyphenate your name with "-Jones".

If this is donest, you too shall have claim to the cargo that cometh in the latter days of after today... and it shall be much cargo and the cargo crates will be easy to open and not give splinters or contain anything like millions of cotton balls or other medical supplies that are useless when in such mass quantities... like 10,000 tongue depressers the cargo shall not be... and there will be limited amounts of the canned spiced ham product known as Spam... there will be some Spam, but just enough not to be too much.

so sayeth Michael Jones.

amen.


This button will allow you to pay the $23.46 donation to my PayPal account.

What your donation gets you:

  1. 1 - White tagless tee-shirt that Michael Jones has scribbled on or write a note or maybe drew a picture on... what that sharpie do upon that tee will be up to Michael Jones alone.
  2. 1 - Lifetime Membership in the Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club © which garauntees your place at the head of the line when the cargo arrives someday that is not known at this time, but if your good will be eventually unless it isn't.
  3. 1 - Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club © Membership Card
  4. A secret club only email address that goes directly to Michael Jones so you can email him and ask him to share his experience with you that may or may not help you with your everyday problems... remember, Michael Jones never gives advice... he only shares his personal expereince.

Michael Jones Cargo Cult Club © FAQ

Q. Don't you have any tenats or commandments or something?
A. Dude, this is a club, not a religion... but if you want a tenat to live by: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and send Michael Jones $23.46" How's that?

Q. Michael Jones... Jim Jones... uh, any relation?
A. No. He was a freak, Michael Jones is a kind and loving person who only wants $23.46 from you and will never ask for blind obedience or for you to drink the Kool-Aid... now, did you send your $23.46 yet?

Q. Is the $23.46 like one of those walmart yellow/zoro smile faces slash price cuts or something. Is the price going to be going back up to $24.50 tomorrow?
A. No, the $23.46 represents years of market research and expensive R&D. It was determined that anything equal to or less than $23.45 or equal to or greater than $23.47 would cause trouble in a spiritual sense, of course. The story goes like this:

So, Michael Jones left his mountain home to retreat to a forest vast and wooded with many trees and other foliage of lesser size and there he spent 23 days searching for answers to questions that had been asked and forgotten by most persons of either gender... and twice a day he would sit and drink of coffee drink and it would loosen his bowels and he would release his contents near a tree that he stayed away from most of the time except for twice a day... and at the end of his 23 day retreat he saw that there were 46 bowel movements and it did come to him... tada! The number shall be $23.46... in a spiritual sense, of course.

... and that shall be the story of the $23.46.

Michael Jones thanks you for being of service.



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